To visualize your future kitchen, simply step into that kitschy donut store over there and look to the right, where you’ll find the gnat-sized office. Find the guy with the beard at the counter. Order one filled donut – lemon jelly – and one of those nut brown, cakey, raspberry glazed beauties, and a big cup o’decaf. After you almost forget to sign the receipt, lay the news on him.
Tell Mr. Bearded Donut he can choose: either he lets you photograph his old timey kitchen accoutrement, and that you covet said wares something chronic, or you’re moving in next to the fax machine. It’s always best to leave them with a choice.
The rest of your work is simple:
Marvel at your unreal negotiating skills.
Munch some more, and don’t let up – you’ve got giant things to eat, whose purpose is to animate your insulin.
Sip loosely until you seem full.
Munch again anyway.
Enter sugar coma.